English is funny... Christmas edition

This is a slight variation from my typical "English is funny" blog format, but one that I hope will nonetheless coax some laughs (or maybe just giggles) out of you.  It actually has very little to do with Christmas except for the fact that Christmas is in nine days!
Essentially all I’ve done is collect some interesting newspaper clippings all of which were included in the December 7th ‘New Indian Express’ a local Chennai paper.  The articles from this paper are quite typical, which is why I so enjoy reading the paper here!  Every day I pick up the newspaper I read an article that’s amusing because of course, ‘English is funny’!!

If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably find the descriptions in the “Crime File” sections to be the most amusing especially when they include pictures.  Happy reading!!

“On the spot where the incident took place, a naked man was found, whom police declared to be a lunatic.  He was later arrested…”  Was he arrested for being a lunatic or for indecent exposure in front of nuns or for being suspected of the act of sacrilege?  Furthermore, was the act of sacrilege the fact that the statue of Mary was broken or that a naked man was found with the statue at the scene?  Please tell me that more details are forthcoming!

It just seems funny to me that people would be smuggling sea cucumbers and even funnier that a “tip-off” led to a “surprise raid”.  Surely there are bigger problems for the police to be addressing than the illegal smuggling of sea cucumbers?  I can only imagine if I were still living in Philly and called the police to tip them off about an illegal sea cucumber trade.  I’m sure they’d have those goons locked up quicker than you can say “Ramanathapuram”.

Is it against the law to own or transport rosewood?  Apparently so if a local gang has their hands on it!  If you ask me, these guys have earned an intimidating nickname--the "Rosewood Gangsta's".

Not sure what creating "flutter" means exactly, but I love the meticulously detailed description of the response to the incident.  “The whole episode ended with a real cliff-hanger” is probably my favorite line.

I feel so sorry for the couple, yet nonetheless can’t help but be amused by the very specific description of how they hid their valuables.  How much is 15 sovereigns anyway?

C’mon, you gotta admit that’s funny!  Makes me wonder how much my "undergarments" will fetch one day!!