English is funny... Christmas edition

This is a slight variation from my typical "English is funny" blog format, but one that I hope will nonetheless coax some laughs (or maybe just giggles) out of you.  It actually has very little to do with Christmas except for the fact that Christmas is in nine days!
Essentially all I’ve done is collect some interesting newspaper clippings all of which were included in the December 7th ‘New Indian Express’ a local Chennai paper.  The articles from this paper are quite typical, which is why I so enjoy reading the paper here!  Every day I pick up the newspaper I read an article that’s amusing because of course, ‘English is funny’!!

If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably find the descriptions in the “Crime File” sections to be the most amusing especially when they include pictures.  Happy reading!!

“On the spot where the incident took place, a naked man was found, whom police declared to be a lunatic.  He was later arrested…”  Was he arrested for being a lunatic or for indecent exposure in front of nuns or for being suspected of the act of sacrilege?  Furthermore, was the act of sacrilege the fact that the statue of Mary was broken or that a naked man was found with the statue at the scene?  Please tell me that more details are forthcoming!

It just seems funny to me that people would be smuggling sea cucumbers and even funnier that a “tip-off” led to a “surprise raid”.  Surely there are bigger problems for the police to be addressing than the illegal smuggling of sea cucumbers?  I can only imagine if I were still living in Philly and called the police to tip them off about an illegal sea cucumber trade.  I’m sure they’d have those goons locked up quicker than you can say “Ramanathapuram”.

Is it against the law to own or transport rosewood?  Apparently so if a local gang has their hands on it!  If you ask me, these guys have earned an intimidating nickname--the "Rosewood Gangsta's".

Not sure what creating "flutter" means exactly, but I love the meticulously detailed description of the response to the incident.  “The whole episode ended with a real cliff-hanger” is probably my favorite line.

I feel so sorry for the couple, yet nonetheless can’t help but be amused by the very specific description of how they hid their valuables.  How much is 15 sovereigns anyway?

C’mon, you gotta admit that’s funny!  Makes me wonder how much my "undergarments" will fetch one day!!

English is funny… Part Deux

This is my second post in a series titled, “English is funny”.  If you didn’t get to read the first one, you will soon see why I find these terms and sayings interesting.  Many of them are probably used more regularly in British lexicon than American.  As I’ve said before, the purpose is not to make fun of the way English is used or to denigrate cultural differences or the training environment, but rather to highlight some of the language differences that can make communication difficult or hilarious or maybe both!  This list is a bit shorter than the first, probably because I’m slowly growing accustomed to the words and phrases that once were unexpected…  Enjoy!

Again, please picture yourself in a training environment with a group of uniformed officers.

“Don’t feel like it’s a lion to be tamed, it’s actually quite nice” – said by a course instructor to the class; I believe he was speaking of the forthcoming course challenges, but I can't recall because I was so distracted by the amusing saying.  I am a bit curious to find out how taming a lion can be quite nice…

“You/he/she/it got bashed up” – refers to someone getting beat up pretty good; might be a good description of a UFC fight?

“My palms are itching… I’ve not been in a fight for some time” – a quote used by a classmate during a very entertaining story; no names mentioned here to protect the innocent… or the guilty

“I was a mini-mobster once” – used during the same story to describe the mob-like actions of a group of people too small to be considered a real “mob”; again, no names will be mentioned here to protect the innocent… or the guilty

“We gave it back to him” – same story again, this describes getting even or exacting revenge or maybe its karma?

“We got into a scuffle” and “those guys were goons”… you guessed it, these terms were used in the mini-mobster/itchy palms/revenge story; all I can say is that the words scuffle and goon should most definitely be more widely utilized in the US, isn’t it?!
Trust me if you had heard this story, you would have been ROTFL with me!!

To be completely honest, many of these terms and phrases are used regularly in the newspapers here.  They really have the best descriptions of petty crime you could imagine.  One of these days I’ll have to post one of the colorful and entertaining small criminal (or should I say mini-mobster?) stories, so that you can share in the amusement!

Real sorrow, but true thanksgiving

Having just returned from a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration with my family, it’s so easy for me to count my blessings.  Being back in the States with my family was truly special, even though it was in fact a result of my grandpa’s death.  It’s too bad these types of occasions are often necessary for us to be reminded of the many things we take for granted.

The road to grandpa's farm (it's on the right)

I want to share a little bit about my grandpa as his legacy continues to be on my mind even though it’s now been over two weeks since God called him home.  Fortunately for me, the funeral arrangements had to be made with consideration for the Thanksgiving holiday which allowed me make it home in time for the funeral service.  His health had been rapidly declining in recent months, but we were not expecting him to leave us quite so soon.  I received the news via e-mail from my father because it can be so difficult for us to connect given that we are at opposite ends of the world.  The Indian AF was very gracious and understanding of my request to return to the U.S. for the funeral and I am so grateful for the opportunity to celebrate my grandfather’s life with my family.  In retrospect, his departure could not have been better timed as my entire family was able to gather together for the first time in ages.  We shared many stories and memories as we acknowledged God’s provision for grandpa and for us.  Grandpa was unwavering in his devotion, loyalty, and faithfulness to family.  He was a family man who delighted in celebrating birthdays or graduations with his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren or cheering them on at sporting events.  His support of our athletic pursuits was only surpassed by his desire to see us succeed in the classroom and earn college degrees.  

Sunrise on the farm

Grandpa also experienced many of the most difficult challenges in life.  He said goodbye to many loved ones (family and friends), lived through the Great Depression, and served in the South Pacific with the Army Air Corps during WWII.  My grandpa knew about sacrifice because he experienced it on many occasions which it seemed to have had a profound effect on him such that he truly learned to enjoy the small things and live within his means.  Beyond that, grandpa knew what it meant to count the many blessings of a faithful God so dawn of each day brought with it hope and expectation.

In addition to work and family obligations, grandpa was an active participant in various types of community and church service, though he never sought the limelight.  He was happy to volunteer wherever he could be of service because what mattered to grandpa was not his status in the eyes of man, but rather his standing before Almighty God.  He humbly reflected Christ’s love so it was appropriate that God quietly called him home during an afternoon nap.  Grandpa is now in the arms of His Savior enjoying true and lasting peace.

Though it has been difficult to accept the fact that he is no longer physically present, there is comfort in knowing that I will see my grandpa again.  The burial of his ashes and the funeral service brought forth many emotions, the chief one of course being sadness.  Yet despite the sorrow, I am confident that my relationship with my grandpa will one day be gloriously renewed.  I’m thankful for my grandpa’s trust in Jesus and that this faith has been passed on to succeeding generations.

Grandpa's favorite dining establishment - White Pines

Nonetheless I cannot deny the very real and seemingly overwhelming sense of loss that comes with physical death.  It simply does not fit well within the reality of our hearts.  That’s true of many other experiences in life, but death is the one inescapable fact of life.  It is something every one of us must face one day, yet we often deny, ignore, or distract ourselves from its power.  I think the reason we do this is because deep down we know that life was not intended to be temporal.  God did not create us to have a physical beginning and a physical end.  Therefore, separation from our physical bodies is as incomprehensible, as it is sad and scary—all natural human reactions that cross all cultural and religious barriers.

The same day I received the news that my grandfather died, I was driving down the road and came upon an Indian funeral procession.  Cattle and goats following behind the procession were eating flower petals that were strewn along the road behind the procession.  Ahead of them men were walking on either side of a small van.  As we approached, we began to hear rhythmic music that kept getting louder as we got closer.   The back door of the van was open and visible inside were men sitting on either side of a covered body, whose head was sticking out awkwardly from the back of the vehicle.  In front of the slow-moving procession were men dancing in a trance-like fashion to the loud, somber music.

This scene was etched into my mind as I thought about my grandpa and considered our natural human responses to death.  It is so clear to me that we were not created for life AND death.  Death is certainly universal, but it is not natural or at least it ought not to be.  We react negatively to it because God did not create life whilst purposing for death would follow.  Instead his creation was good, but our corruption has turned his good creation bad and thus we suffer physical death because of our disobedience to God.  In spite of this, we know deep in our hearts that life bringing death is not true life, which is why God has graciously provided us with a “second chance” through His Son Jesus Christ.  He is the one whom God has empowered to take the punishment of sin on our behalf and thereby restore us unto Himself.  While we still have to experience physical death because we are unable in ourselves to undo the corruption of our sin, Christ’s suffering enables our souls to be preserved from the eternal condemnation we deserve for our rebellion against God.  For the one who trusts in Christ, we can be assured that though we die (physically), our souls will live eternally (in Christ).  In this time of grieving and remembrance, I cling to the hope that my God will never leave or forsake His people.  I thank God that my grandpa knew this truth and therefore we celebrate his death because he is now with His Lord.

Goan to the beach!!

With the extended two week break from training and no other work-related obligations I was forced to find something to do after my return from Hampi.  After narrowing my search to the cheapest airfare’s of the destinations I want to visit, the list was narrowed to Mumbai and Goa.  Mumbai would have been nice, but not nearly as relaxing as Goa so with some stressful training days ahead, the decision was easily made.

After an overnight train back to Hyderabad, I turned around and flew to Goa for my first solo India experience.  Considering the fact that I didn’t really plan the trip in advance, it couldn’t have turned out better.  After arriving at the airport which is quite a long way from anything, I took a taxi to Panjim to stay in a larger city.  I picked the central cathedral as my drop-off spot and hence began the cathedral tour of this former Portuguese colony.   

 A big, tasty Indian dinner was eaten at a surprisingly modern, but reasonably priced restaurant.  That night, I stayed in a nice family-run hotel and really enjoyed the mother who managed it along with her two daughters.  They were extremely helpful and very knowledgeable.  If you end up in Panjim, check out the Mayfair Hotel.

The following morning was pretty rainy, so I didn’t get a very early start.  Eventually, I made it over to Old Goa which for the most part is abandoned apart from a couple massive cathedrals and a few other religious sites interspersed throughout the area.   

 Particularly interesting were the ruins of the Monastery of St. Augustine.  Restoration efforts have done much to preserve the area, but much of the vegetation was allowed to grow so it’s a very quiet, peaceful place that might remind a visitor of the ruins of Cair Paravel for anyone familiar with The Chronicles of Narnia.

It didn’t take long to see Old Goa, so I then made my way over to the coast to see Fort Aguada and then find a place to spend the night on the beach but not before enjoying a rum carmelized banana.  Why isn't this a staple option on every dessert menu in the U.S.?

Fort Aguada offers some nice views of the bay and the coastline, but I wouldn’t recommend going to see the jail as it is still in use although seeing it might be a sufficient deterrent necessary to motivate someone to avoid engaging in nefarious activities.  That evening I checked into a nice place near the beach and enjoyed a delicious dinner with authentic Rajasthani music and dancing.

In the morning, I walked down the beach to see the huge tanker that ran aground only a few hundred yards from shore.

It’s quite impressive, don’tcha think?  My next goal was to rent a scooter that I could take overnight to the north coast.  This ended up working out fairly well, but it required a good-sized deposit.  The couple I rented the scooter from were really helpful and very friendly.  If I ever make it back there I’ll stay with them!  With the scooter secured I was off to see the northern beaches.  I stopped at all the beaches along the way, but wanted to make sure I made it to Anjuna to see the Wednesday flea market.  I made it to Anjuna by mid-afternoon and was able to take in most of the large, open-air market that is adjacent to the beach.  It was amazing to see how many people had things to sell and the diversity of everything.

It was a colorful and fun experience, though I was glad the beach was nearby to allow a slight respite from the chaos!  I hadn’t planned on purchasing anything, but ended up walking away with a nice wooden chess set, a pair of shorts and a pair of swim trunks.  All told, I spent a total of about $20.  From Anjuna, I went to up to Arambol where I was planning to spend the night.  It was a lovely ride along the coast and through some small villages.  With the sun setting it was particularly beautiful.  Arriving in Arambol, I set out to try to find the seaside cocohuts recommended by Lonely Planet.  Unfortunately, this proved to be much more difficult than anticipated and nearly resulted in me seriously damaging the scooter and/or myself when I rode up a path intended only for walking and rode across a wooden plank to get over a small irrigation canal.  Needless to say, it didn’t work out well for the home team.  Eventually, I made it up to the cocohuts after finding out that it was a 10 minute hike to get to them!  It was already dark when I arrived, so I took the only offer I got which was for something a little more secure, but a lot less cool than a cocohut.  The restaurant there served a killer tuna melt sandwich that went amazingly well with the avocado salad (basically guacamole).  The downside to staying here was that between my concern about the scooter and the warnings I’d received about the drug problem in the area, I didn’t sleep too well.  Once morning broke, I did some exploring and found a nice secluded beach nearby.  Breakfast at the German Bakery was good, but the prices had gone up considerably from those quoted in L.P.  After breakfast, I hit the road and went back south to Candolim where I had rented the scooter.  Before dropping it off I stopped at the local 5-star Taj resort for the lunch buffet, only to be disappointed in the quality of the food.  The folks who rented me the scooter also gave me a good offer on a taxi ride to south Goa, so I took them up on the offer.  Of course it took about 2 hours to make it all the way to Palolem, but once we got there I felt right at home.  The pace there is a little slower and the people were more laid back.  It also had a lot of western tourists which made me feel more at home.  There were a number of restaurants all along the beach, so after a romantic stroll down the beach in the moonlight by myself I decided to try some real Goan food.  It was spicy, but pretty tasty and just what I needed before heading off to bed.

The following morning was my only true day of lounging on the beach.  Again I walked down the beach and over to the smaller Putnem beach where I had a great “Mexican” breakfast and a banana crepe.  After breakfast I made my way back to Palolem to enjoy a little swim and do some chillin’!  It really turned out to be a nice, relaxing way to end my vacation so I’m glad it worked out for me to at least sneak in a one-day scouting trip to south Goa.  If I ever go back, I’m definitely spending more time in south Goa!  Thus ends the “Operation Relaxation” chapter of my time in India and now the real work begins, so please don’t hold your breath for my next blog post.  It may not come for another 3 months…

Hampi (pronounced Hum-pee of course)

After my six grueling weeks in the classroom studying subjects from piston engines to western disturbances to the mental dead reckoning and seemingly everything else under the sun, I was ready for a little break.  Fortunately, my 2+ weeks off happened to coincide with a planned trip organized by a mutual friend.  It ended up being quite an interesting, fun, and relaxing break that included a lot of “firsts” for me like my first Indian train ride, my first scooter ride and my first meal on a banana leaf.  We started the adventure by taking an overnight train that arrived in the early morning at a town near Hampi.  A long rickshaw (a.k.a. auto) ride later and we dropped at the riverbank in Hampi to await the short boat ride to the other side.  This was the first taste of what has been appropriately described as a magical place.  It truly is an amazing blend of historically relevant structures and an incredibly unique landscape of boulders and implausible rock formations interspersed throughout fields of rice paddies or banana trees or sugar cane or who knows what.  The scene on the riverbank with rays of sunlight casting themselves through the massive rock formations onto the shadowy darkness was simply beautiful.  Reflections of the riverside ghats (people bathing/washing their clothes) were intermingled with a backdrop of boulders, clouds, sunlight, trees, and ancient ruins that only added to the peaceful aura of Hampi.

After checking into our accommodations on the other side of the river, we made our way back across with hopes of renting scooters to see some of the outlaying sights.  It took some time to find enough scooters for everyone and since most of us had never ridden one before a little training was required.  In retrospect, I find it ironic that I must sign 20 pieces of paper to set up a mobile phone, but didn’t sign anything to rent the scooter!  Oh and each scooter cost us less than $4 per day!  A couple of the scooter-wallas (guys) took us out to some purported waterfalls.  While there really weren’t any waterfalls to speak of, it was a beautiful hike out onto the rocky riverbed that was made up of huge boulders. 

After a good lunch at the local Italian restaurant (what I mean by that is only that they serve Italian food) we hopped on the scooters and rode out of town.  Not too long into the ride, our large group of 8 or so scooters got separated.  With daylight fading and fuel running low a group of us rode off on an exploratory tour that ended up being a fun little adventure.

  We rode down a dirt road through a number of fields before taking a random path towards some enormous rock formations that were quickly becoming silhouettes.  It ended up being a path along an irrigation canal and probably was the highlight of the day for me, although afterward I felt bad after we found the rest of the group waiting for us at an intersection because they had spent a good deal of time trying to track us down.  At this point with our tanks nearly on empty and the last rays of sunlight fading into oblivion we made our way back into town.  It made for a long, but fun day we had dinner with little delay and then retired for the evening.

The next day we again rented scooters, but this time on our side of the river.  The landscape was much the same although we did try to make the most of the day by seeing as many of the landmarks as we could.  The first stop of the day we were met by countless monkeys.  For some reason I think I could have been entertained for hours by watching them chase each other and swing fearlessly from branch to branch high above the ground.  A part of me wanted to partake in the action, but fear would have gotten the best of me I’m afraid!  There was also a serene lake and a man-made pond covered with lily pads.

The next stop was another shrine or temple of some sort.  It required some hiking, but once we got to the top we had a nice view of the surrounding land.  We didn’t spend much time there and soon-after set out for our next destination.  We ended up in a small village eventually making our way to a large open flat, marshy land with a small stream running through it.  Again there were ghats washing clothes and the remnants of past civilizations.  Oh and of course lots of cows.  There were also children playing on walls that were hundreds, if not thousands of years old.  They saw us and made the most of the opportunity because they were celebrating the Hindu festival of Diwali, which is something like a mix of Christmas and the 4^th of July.  It’s a festival of lights so many houses and buildings are lit up colorfully and of course there are firecrackers.  The kids did the best they could to frighten the foreigners and were quite successful.  Nothing like being scared away by a bunch of 9-year olds right?  Well, it wasn’t quite like that, but at least it sure makes for a good story!  While we were on the banks of this stream we saw an impressive structure in the distance up the stream some distance.  We then sought to make our way to this place and after eventually finding it we were disappointed to find that it was closed or at least it appeared to be closed.  If that old lady had not pushed the gates open for us we would never have known any better!  We basically had the temple compound or whatever it was to ourselves, so after enjoying the nice view and taking a few photos, we made our way down to the stream.  There we found a lot of kids goofing off as kids anywhere will do.   By this time we were about ready to eat, so after a brief ride out of town we came back to see the “Queen’s Palace” and have lunch.  It turns out that we had driven past the Queen’s Palace earlier in the day, but hadn’t really noticed it because it just wasn’t all that impressive.  More interesting was the large group of little kids playing in the adjacent field.  As soon as they saw our cameras, they all wanted their pictures taken and some of them even climbed up onto our scooters for a better photo op! 

 Before I knew it I was swarmed by kids and everyone else had left for lunch.  I was so enjoying myself that I would’ve been happy to skip lunch to “watch the scooters” even though I really just wanted to hang out with the kids a little longer.  Then someone realized I was missing and came back for me, so I said bye to the kiddos and joined the rest of the gang for an authentic meal served on banana leaf.  There was some rice, fried peppers, something pickled, curd, and a red powder of some sort.

Après lunch we scooted on out of town and did some more riding through the countryside—fields and villages.  This ride ended at Hanaman’s Temple, which is perched atop a pretty significant rocky hill.  It provides a great view particularly at sunrise or sunset and oh by the way, there are monkeys!  Once again I found myself amused by these monkeys who were not swinging from tree branches, but from rock to rock!

It was rather impressive, but this was not something I’d be interested in trying myself.  We hurried down hundreds of steps hoping to make it back before dark, but we couldn’t quite pull it off.  Fortunately, everyone made it back safely and after a good dinner and long day in the sun we called it an evening.

The following day was intended for seeing the numerous historical sites, but my body chose rest and relaxation for most of the morning.  The outdoor breakfast area had a great view overlooking the riverbed and the distant rocky peaks, so it was hard to resist a lazy morning of card playing with friends.  By the time I got going, it was too late to do much of anything and because the river had swelled as a result of the dam upstream releasing water, it took some time for our boat to reach the other side.  At this point it was already time for lunch so we went to the Mango Tree which everyone had been highly touted and definitely met expectations.

The late lunch meant that I wouldn’t have time to see everything I wanted to see unless I hired an auto, but instead I chose to do what I could on foot.  This was pretty limiting as the main attractions are spread out by 3 or more kms.

I saw plenty of ruins and enjoyed imagining what the Royal Centre must have been like at its’ pinnacle.  Again I ran out of daylight and barely made it back in time to meet the rest of the crew for dinner at our favorite little Italian joint in Hampi.  It was a great way to finish a relaxing, but fun excursion from Hyderabad before catching the train home.